7 months later, 17/7/16 4:28pm
I don’t even know where to start or what to say. It is now 7 months later since I last posted a blog post and I have come to sit down and write this post so many times but every time I have brought myself to the attention of starting to write it, I then just close the my laptop and leave it, however maybe it’s about time to explain my story and where I have been for the past 7 months because I feel like whoever may have read my blog before hand deserves the explanation of why I have not been posting. This may take a while so you may want to sit down and grab a blanket and a snack and get ready as the story shall begin.
If you have noticed I haven’t been active on my blog for about several months, I haven’t uploaded a post this year because a lot has went on since we all last spoke and I’m just going to explain the basics of it because some things I feel are too personal and confidential to go into to much depth but I will do my best. If you weren’t already aware I have just finished high school practically because I have just finished year 11 and let me tell you what a roller coaster this year has been but I think it has probably been one of the best years of my school life. I have also just sat my GCSE exams as well which I think I done pretty well in (fingers crossed) which is one of the main reasons I haven’t been posting because I sat 17 exams which I had to revise for between the months of May and June and let me tell you it was very stressful. If you have sat your GCSE’s or A levels you will understand what it is like and it can take up a huge chunk of your time and this then had restricted me from planning any blog posts I wanted to do.
Secondly I know I did say year 11 was one of the best years of my school life but it was also one of the most difficult. Back at the start of year 10 we got a new year team since our previous team had left due to personal reasons and we weren’t aware what our new year was going to be like and let me tell you one of the one was very nice and the other one not so much. Throughout year 10 this certain teacher (I’m not naming names due to confidentiality reasons) used to target me out from my year group for various reasons so this resulted in me and my parents going to the school and having a meeting with the head teacher and soon after that meeting the whole ‘targeting’ stopped. However as I got to year 11 the rules in my school became a lot more strict but I’m the type of student who always follows the rules and is hardly ever in trouble. But the problems which I was having with this certain teacher arose again and started to get worse. She used to always pull me out from the crowd and it was very embarissing. There was one situation which was probably the worst and i’m not going to go into detail about it since it’s private but as soon after that day, I wasn’t myself. I didn’t feel right, I felt so awkward and quiet and that I just wanted to sit in the corner of the room and cry. I was becoming very emotional and down, I wouldn’t want to see my friends and when I did it didn’t feel the same as it usually did. I didn’t even want to wake up in the morning I was scared to go to school. This started to get my parents concerned and they started to think I was “depressed” but I convinced that I was fine and it was probably just a phase. But as time went on I started to feel even more withdrawn from the world and started to experience panic attacks in my every day. One weekend I went to my nanna’s and I just burst out crying on her shoulder and told her I didn’t know what to do or what was wrong with me and she convinced me I needed help; professionally and this is when I agreed. My mum then decided to take me to my G.P to seek advice and this resulted in me being referred to cahms. Cahms also known as Children & adolescent mental health services offers help to children and young people who maybe suffering from emotional, behaviouroul or mental health difficulties. When I first visited Cahms I was very nervous but straight away I settled and I go every so often for appointments to meet with my counsellor and she is one of the most down to earth people and is so understanding to anything you share with in your session and she really opened my eyes and almost helped me come out of the dark if that makes sense. I couldn’t thank her enough for what she done to help me. During this period of sadness I also went through a bad break up with a guy who I was with at the time and also I had fallen out with a very close friend of mine so it was a very crap time in my life but as I had finished my exams last month and finished school, I slowly managed to heal myself and I feel like a better person then I was before. Around this time I had the most supportive friends and family around which really made my atmosphere feel better and more enlightened.
What I learnt is that life isn’t always rosy and there will be down falls but you do work through them, and it may seem impossible at the time but we all have are demons. The light will always guide us through the dark and heal us in are own time.
(If you’re also interested in finding out more about Cahms and the work they do I shall leave the link below for more information:)
I hope you all understand and I should hopefully be back posting very soon and I guess that’s all I have to say, thank you for reading and this has been me.